I can resist everything except temptation.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
There is no marvel in a woman learning to speak, but there would be in teaching her to hold her tongue.
I drink and I know things.
Brevity is the soul of wit.
Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.
Education: the inculcation of the incomprehensible into the indifferent by the incompetent.
History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Give him threepence, since he must make gain out of what he learns.
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Common sense is not so common.
It is the obstinacy of maintaining that everything is best when it is worst.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it.
